


Breaking point

by Crazylele1



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Cried writing this, M/M, mention of depression, potentially triggering for anxiety depressive thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-07 04:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11051730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazylele1/pseuds/Crazylele1
Summary: Everything was shit and the one person Yuri thought could maybe help was across the globe at the moment.





	1. Shit night

**Author's Note:**

> Many of the thoughts that Yuri experiences and Viktor mentions in this have been directly influenced by thoughts I have had myself. They reflect very real anxious and depressive thought patterns, including very vague mentions of thoughts which are signs of suicide. Please take care before reading.

Yuri lay on his bed phone in hand scrolling through instagram. He paused a moment when he came across one of Otabek’s photos. It showed him and Yuri together on top of a hill. Yuri had his back to Otabek leaning on a fence and Otabek was looking at him while taking the picture. There wasn’t really a caption only #bestveiw. 

Otabek had been in Russia to spend a week with Yuri while it was the off season. Yuri hoped to go to Almaty to visit in about a month, but it was looking less and less likely that would happen. Lilia wasn’t happy with Yuri’s progress so far this summer. It would be a broken tradition if Yuri couldn’t get out to Almaty this summer, having done so the past three. Their friendship had grown into something more for the past three years, their intimacy increasing. Not being able to go visit Otabek would be really hard. Especially after the year he’d had. Yakov had an accident. Nikoli had a heart attack. Yuuri had retired and had left with Viktor to Japan for the year. Then Viktor had traveled back after the news about Yakov. 

Yuri desperately wanted a break, he needed a break. He looked at the selfie Beka had taken without his knowledge. He had just taken a break. It was afternoon when the photo had been taken. They had gone out for a day trip, meaning to come back to practice during the afternoon session at the rink, but they had stopped for a picnic and hadn’t made it back on time. He’d already missed too many sessions. The rough year was why he wasn’t doing as well on his programs. Coupled with a lack of technical training. Viktor was his coach for the moment, as Yakov had been unable to come back. But he wasn’t as good. 

Viktor and Yuri didn’t work as well together a lot of the time. Which Yuri knew was partially his fault. But Viktor still treated him as if he was that 14 year old just having won his first gold at the Junior GFP. But he wasn’t that boy any more hadn’t been for a long time, his maturity jumping in the past 3 years after steadily climbing the previous 4. He wasn’t as angry and couldn’t take the teasing as well. Especially when it revolved around things he couldn’t care less about anymore. Yuri worried about the rent payment on his apartment, whether or not he would have enough time to cook his planned meals and if he could cut out a strength day at the gym for a sponsorship meeting.

Sometimes it was nice to be treated as if he didn’t have a care in the world like the teenager he had been a few years ago but most of the time now. Especially after his grandfather’s heart attack Yuri couldn’t take it as much. Skating was work. Work that cut at his heart. He loved skating or at least wanted to, but it was keeping him away from loved ones. Hurting him physically and mentally. 

Yuri glanced up from his phone noting the screen had gone black as well as the world around him. He sat up to turn on the light next to his table and saw his hands were shaking. He felt a slight tightness in his chest. He sighed. Yuri stood up and slowly made his way to the front of his apartment. He pulled on the zip up hoodie hung on a hook there and grabbed his keys, checking his back pocket for his phone. 

It perhaps wasn’t the best idea to go out walking around St. Petersburg after dark, but Yuri wasn’t exactly known for his fantastic decision making skills. His vision blurred a bit periodically as he walked. He could feel his chest continue to tighten. But soon enough he made it to his destination.

Yuri hit the button and a minute later he heard the intercom spring to life.

“Who’s there?” It was Viktor’s voice.

“Yuri.” He responded.

The response was instant the door buzzed unlocking and Yuri hurried to grab it. He glanced at the elevator which would be faster than the stairs but couldn’t bear the thought of standing still so he went up the stairs. Too soon he had made it to the top. His awareness felt fuzzy as he knocked on the door. It opened only moments later.

“Yuri what are you doing here so late?” Viktor asked as he pulled the door wide.

Yuri didn’t respond as he stepped inside. “Is Yuuri here?” He asked instead.

Viktor tilted his head. “Yuuri’s in Japan right now, remember?”

Yuri sat down hard on the couch. Wishing he could curl into it like he used to. His long limbs now prohibiting the movement much more.

Yuri nodded, “Oh, I forgot.”

Viktor took a tentative step closer. “Are you alright?”

Yuri sighed, “I’m having an anxiety attack.”

Viktor stopped short. “What?”

“I said, I’m having an anxiety attack.”

Viktor eyes widened. “Sorry, ok. What can I do?”

Yuri shook his head, his chest felt even tighter now. He really wished Yuuri were here. Yuuri knew anxiety and while Yuri had never asked for his help with something like this he knew he was always there if he needed. Except this stupid year because he fucking retired. Yuri squeezed his eyes shut. The next thing he knew, his head was in his hands and Viktor was in front of him.

“Yuri, your breathing is getting very fast. Let’s breathe together, ok?”  
Yuri nodded quickly, feeling water on his cheeks. Which made his breathing come even faster.

“Ok, breath in 1, 2, 3, out 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, in 1, 2, 3, out 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.” 

After several minutes of Viktor directing Yuri his breathing started to even out. Exhaustion hit him like a brick. He rose just enough that he was able to lean back against the couch.

“You did very well Yuri. Your breathing seems better. Are you feeling a bit better?” Viktor asked, keeping his voice low and steady.

Yuri shook his head. Thoughts were still swirling around his head and he was afraid his breathing would become erratic again. Yuri tried to reach down to Viktor but his arm barely moved.

“Could you tell me what’s wrong?”

Tears sprung to Yuri’s eyes again. He shook his head talking was still too difficult. 

“Is there anything I can do?”

Yuri couldn’t think of anything, none of his problems could be solved. Everything was complicated. He just wanted it to stop. Tears were falling freely down his face again. He shut his eyes. Yuri thought he could hear Viktor talking to someone but he didn’t open up his eyes. A few minutes later he felt Viktor sit down next to him. He glanced over at him and managed to shift over enough that his side was pressed up against him. Viktor seemed a bit startled at that, but instead of drawing away he drew Yuri in closer to him so that his head rested against the top of his shoulder and he pressed a phone to his ear.

“Yuri?”

Yuri made a startled noise at the sound of Yuuri’s voice over the phone.

“Yuri, are you there?”

“S-sorry- woke you up.”

“That’s alright. I heard that you were looking for me?”

Yuri made a noise he hoped sounded like an affirmation. 

“Why were you looking for me?”

“A-anxiety.”

“You thought I could help?”

Yuri made the noise again.

“Viktor did some of the things he normally does to help me. Is there something you usually do?”

Yuri’s noise of confirmation sounded a bit more distressed this time even to his own ears.

“What is it you normally do?”

“Call Beka or Grandpa.”

“Why didn’t you do that this time?”

Yuri choked on a sob. He felt the arm that Viktor was holding him with tighten slightly and he tried to draw himself closer.

“Yuri they love you, I’m sure they have time for you.”

Yuri sobbed again and finally pulled himself close to Viktor, wishing once more to be smaller again. He buried himself in Viktor’s chest despite his height. He couldn’t stop sobbing. Viktor held him, murmuring on the phone to Yuuri in English that Yuri’s brain couldn’t understand for a minute. Viktor held him whispering assurances to him in Russian until he fell asleep.


	2. Morning Comes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again lots of talk of anxiety and depression. With mention to Viktor's struggle with depression.

The next morning he woke in an unfamiliar bed with the sun on his face. His face scrunched and he moaned and turned over. Where he ran into Viktor’s still sleeping form. Groggily he sat up glancing around. He was still in his t-shirt from last night, but his pants had been taken off and his long hair plaited, rather than in a messy bun. Yuri covered his face with his hands. He wanted to scream. While not trying to worry Beka or Grandpa, he had worried Viktor and Yuuri. And now Viktor, the person he wanted to start treating him like an adult had him sob on him all night, unable to talk.

“Yuri? You’re up?” Viktor asked, in Russian, which felt out of place, they spoke a lot in English, especially in the apartment because of Yuuri.

Yuri sighed, “Yes.”

“How are you?” He asked carefully.

“I’m not having a panic attack anymore.”

Viktor nodded, “I’m glad. How are you?”

Yuri sighed again. 

“Everything is fucked,” he said with little inflection.

Viktor’s eyes widened slightly. “What do you mean?”

Yuri could feel the tears coming back. Frustration and anger bubbling to the surface. He let it soothe over him like a balm. His words came out biting, “My grandpa had a heart attack and I’m worried about him and I want to visit him. Beka left three days ago and I don’t know when I’ll get to see him again. I haven’t made my meal plan meals for this week. Lilia isn’t pleased with my progress. Yakov isn’t coming back. You think I’m a little kid still. I sobbed to Yuuri on the phone after waking him up. I had a panic attack. I think one of my longer term sponsors wants to drop me. Pretty sure my internet bill goes up after this month. I’ve skipped too much practice. And I’m fucking crying again.”

Yuri tipped his head back to stare at the ceiling, hands still covering his eyes.

“Yuri look at me.”

Yuri removed his hands from his eyes but kept his eyes on the ceiling.

“If you’re worried about your grandpa, you should go see him next weekend. The train only takes 4 hours. You’ve already planned a visit with Otabek for later in the summer. I can help you make your meals today and we can freeze some for next week too. Lilia isn’t being fair to you. Yakov can’t stay away from the ice, I’m sure he’ll be back as soon as he can be. Yuuri wanted to help you last night. You sought out help for your panic attack, you’re managing. Another sponsor will come along, you’ve won 10 gold medals at international competitions and are only 21 years old. You will have enough money for your internet bill and if it’s ridiculous we’ll find another plan that’s cheaper. You haven’t skipped too much practice. You don’t take enough rest days. And crying is fine.” 

Yuri shook his head throughout Viktor’s monologue.

“Yura, please look at me.”

This time Yuri did look, a bit stunned that Viktor actually said please.

“Everything will be ok.”

Yuri shook his head as more tears fell. Viktor sat up and pulled Yuri towards himself carefully. Seeing his hesitance, Yuri wiggled slightly, but Viktor kept drawing him in.

“I’m sorry.” Yuri exclaimed as he buried himself in Viktor’s chest again.

“What for?”

Yuri looked up at him. “I need a lot of physical touch and you’re uncomfortable.”

Viktor blinked at him, “Yuuri doesn’t like touched when he’s like this. And you’re usually so distant, I had no idea this would be what you’d need.”

Viktor held him and eventually Yuri’s tears dried. He reluctantly pulled himself away from Viktor and laid back on the bed again. When Yuri glanced over at Viktor he noted the conflicted look on his face. Eventually Viktor reached out a hand to his close arm applying a small amount of pressure.

Yuri let out a breath. He lifted his other arm to cover his eyes. It felt as if he was still breaking down.

“Yura, I’m worried.” Viktor’s voice sounded hesitant.

“Sorry.”

“No, I’m glad that you came here. But I didn’t realize that you struggled with this.”

Yuri pressed his arm further down on his eyes. “I don’t want to worry anyone.”

Yuri felt Viktor shift. “I get that, but I don’t want you alone for this.”

Yuri didn’t say anything. Didn’t know what to say. He knew it probably wasn’t a good idea to let the feelings build in the way that he did. Especially since there were so many things going on that compounded against one another these days. But he didn’t want to burden Beka or make him feel bad especially from so far away. His grandfather had enough on his plate right now. He didn’t feel comfortable going to Lilia about his emotional issues; their relationship had been mostly one of work for a long time. And Yuri hadn’t wanted Viktor to know about any of this. While he wanted his relationship with Vikor to turn into one where he no longer felt like a child, he also didn’t want Viktor to pull back. It was selfish of him in many ways, he wanted to keep some of Viktor’s attention. The taunting made him feel close to someone other than Beka. He didn’t want to go to Yuuri because he still wanted the man’s admiration. And right now Yuri couldn’t help but feel that he might have just lost that along with some of the respect the older skater held for him. Over the years they had developed a competitive camaraderie that Yuri thought could be lost if his facade of little emotion other than anger was disrupted.

“You don’t need to be alone for this.”

Yuri still couldn’t find any words for Viktor. He didn’t think that there was a way to keep much of the status quo that he relied on if he started to talk about this.  
“Yuri, this is important please look at me.”

The pleading tone was somewhat unexpected and Yuri lifted his arm to look at Viktor.

“You are not alone. OK?”

“Yes Viktor. I know. I have Grandpa, Beka, Lilia, Yakov, you and Yuuri.”

Viktor nodded at him, “Don’t forget.”

Suddenly Yuri realized something. “You forgot….”

Viktor nodded, “I’m sorry for projecting, but… I’m sure you can see how this situation might mirror my own some.”

“Viktor, I have far more people around than you did at that time. And I have years of things left in front of me. Hence, the anxiety.”

Viktor nodded. “Could you come stay with me for a bit? Until Yuuri comes back?”

Yuri felt his mouth open, the offer more than a little unexpected. “I’m going to be fine.”

“You’re not talking to anyone Yuri. And it’s not just that. I’m worried about you but my asking does have a selfish side as well. This year has been rough and living here without Yuuri is hard. Probably a lot like what you experience with Otabek all the time. I don’t know how you do it.”

Yuri wondered a bit at Viktor’s perceptiveness. “Beka and I aren’t sexual.”

“Sure but you are intimate. You love each other, lean on each other, you have been in nearly constant contact for 3 years now.”

Yuri huffed a small laugh at the observations, “I thought you were supposed to be conceited and not pay attention to others?”

Viktor let a rueful smile pass his lips. “I’ve been paying attention to you since you were 14, when Yakov suddenly gave me this young person to help, even though it was clear that I was always out of my depth. I guess my technique of treating you like a young cousin I could tease is backfiring on me now?”

Yuri had thought Viktor was going to ignore the comment he’d made in his little tirade earlier. “I’m a bit old for it, I worry about bills and seeing the people I care about now.”

Viktor lifted his hand from it’s place on Yuri’s arm and pulled Yuri’s body to lean on him. “When did you grow up?”

Yuri shrugged. But really he could look back and point out the points in time that had caused his growth. The two seasons where his body betrayed him, where he grew 11 inches in just two years. Between the pains, a new center of gravity, and a brief struggle with his meal plan the two years had shown him that he could be toppled. It was also the time when Yuuri and Viktor had finally gotten married. They were really wrapped up in themselves at that time and Yuri had begun to rely on them less for his emotional needs. He had also begun to get closer with Beka.

“Will you stay with me, while Yuuri’s away?” Viktor asked again. 

The way Viktor framed his question was purposeful, Yuri knew. He made it seem as if Yuri would be doing him a favor. A younger Yuri probably wouldn’t have realized but current Yuri could see right through Viktor’s almost pleading tone. He was worried and if Yuri didn’t comply, as his coach he would be able to make his life a bit suffocating. This could also be a good opportunity for Viktor to see firsthand how much different he was now compared to that young teen he had met so many years ago. 

“Alright, old man. But I need to warn you I need a lot of time by myself. I can’t be hanging out with you all the time just because you miss your husband. I need to decompress. And I skype Beka, almost every day. And I won’t eat any of those weird concoctions you try and pass off as food.” Yuri migrated between a serious tone of voice and a teasing one.

“Yura! My food isn’t weird! And I can give you alone time!” Viktor let the whining voice he usually used with Yuuri color his voice. 

Yuri smiled a bit at his antics. 

And that was how Yuri and Viktor came to be cohabitating in St Petersburg together, oddly enough without either Yuuri or Otabek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do think I'm going to write more of this. I'd like to focus more on Otabek and Yuuri's relationships with Yuri eventually so look out for that. Again I will warn that I really like poly relationship dynamics and may develop this into romantic Yuri/Otabek as well as Yuri/Viktor/Yuuri. If that ever happens I will update the tags, but just to forewarn in case that's not your thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd. I have more, which I will certainly post soon, but be cautious with this story, I've never finished anything but oneshots. Also in addition to the romantic relationship Yuri and Otabek share I'm probably going to grow out the relationships between Viktor and Yuri as well as Yuri and Yuuri, with the potential for them to end up in a poly relationship.


End file.
